Felicity Complex: Why I Chose Lycoming

After being in the hot seat several times lately for job interviews, I’ve almost had it with the same answer I give to the very first question interviewers always ask me. “Why did you choose Lycoming College in a small town in Pennsylvania when you’re from a fairly large city in Arlington, Texas?’

My answer: “Because I wanted to go to a small school and because they had a major in Creative Writing.”

Let’s just call that the “in a nutshell” answer. But a small school and Creative Writing weren’t the only reasons why I chose to go to school far away from home where I didn’t know anyone.

I wanted adventure. I wanted independence. I wanted to stand on my own two feet without any help from my mom whom I was (and still am) very close to. Up until college I was a homebody, had practically no friends in high school (I was one of those who ate in the library), and, being an introvert,  didn’t like going out. To be honest, I still don’t (which likely explains why I don’t have a boyfriend right now. But, that’s another post for another day).

At Lycoming College, I learned how to step up to be a leader (especially when I was elected President of the English Society senior year), and I made some of the best friends a girl can have. While it sometimes wasn’t easy being a southern belle in the midst of so many “yankees,” (no offense), I hope I relayed my optimism, cuteness, naiveté,  and southern hospitality to my friends. I learned several things from my friends at Lycoming. One is to be patient (it takes time for some northerners to warm up to you), and what really kept me on my toes was how smart they were. I could immediately tell my high school did not prepare me nearly enough compared to others who went to Lyco. I also loved the fact that many were so cultured. Several friends got me so obsessed with Broadway musicals that to this day, I can’t watch a musical unless friends from Lyco have seen it (and they for sure would know if I would like it or not).

So, for those of you who were wondering why a quiet, girl-next-door type from Texas chose to go to a school across the country, I’ve put together a Top 5 List of reasons why I chose Lycoming College in Williamsport, Pennsylvania to be my home for four years. If I decided to talk about all of these reasons in interviews, two things would likely happen: 1) The interviewers would cut me off and say, ‘I’m sorry our time is up.” and not hire me, and 2) They would look at me like I was an alien and recommend me to enter a mental institution.

While some of these reasons may seem lame to ordinary people, I’m not ordinary and don’t try to be. Everyone has reasons for making the decisions they do. These were mine.

1. Just Like Felicity

The one-and-only show I watched religiously in high school was “Felicity.” I was completely inspired by Ms. Felicity Porter (and for that matter, Keri Russell) from day one. I thought, “Wow. A goody-twoshoes girl like me from California went to college halfway across the country to New York. Even when she had never been there before. I want to do that.” So I did. I always found the northeast part of the country so fascinating. The culture. The people. The landmarks & gorgeous views. The fact that you can drive a couple of hours and be in another state. All of the unique experiences I wouldn’t always have in Texas (like actually having friends with liberal views for a change). I suppose my initial Felicity-like reasoning was a bit extreme. But then again, Felicity Porter decided to follow a boy she barely knew to the same university he was going to.

I idolized the friends Felicity made and the dorm she shared with the girls. And if I happened to find a boyfriend like Ben or Noel, well, that would just be a perk. In reality, I never did (just my luck), but I did have some similar Felicity-like experiences.

It was hard to say goodbye to my mom who helped move me up to a 3rd floor in Asbury dorm with no elevator and no air conditioner (don’t ask me to do that again), but we survived. So thanks to the WB for keeping that show alive all 4 years of high school while I had college life to look forward to. My mom still watched “Felicity” reruns when I was in college because she said it kept me close to her. I watched “Felicity” reruns freshman year because, not only was it my favorite show ever (this was before “LOST” started), but also to get my friends interested in it. I don’t think I succeeded, but it was worth a shot.

“Felicity” came on at exactly the right time in my life. As did “LOST” and “Glee,” but that’s another blog post.

2. Make a Fresh Start

I wanted to go to a college where I didn’t know anyone and no one knew me. It’s not like I made so many horrible mistakes in high school that I never wanted to see those people again. I wanted to make friends on my own without any help from my dad and because of my last name.

Going to the same high school where you dad teaches isn’t what it’s cracked up to be. At first I was excited because I knew my dad was one of the most popular teachers there; I thought for sure, everyone would want to be friends with me. Wrong. Everyone wanted to be friends with my dad; he was after all, the cool (yet very loud) theatre teacher. The few friends I did make in high school were mostly all theatre kids (most of whom also were in choir with me). There were times when I would get caught in the middle. “Can you tell your dad to cast me in the lead of the musical? I would make a great Maria Von Trapp.” Come on, now. Let’s get real. Like I would EVER do that.

So, all through high school, the question I always got when students would meet me was, “Oh! You’re Mr. Cure’s daughter!” Yes, yes, I am. So? They soon learned he and I don’t have much in common other than a love of musicals; our different personality types showed. Once students learned that, it was back to eating lunch in the library. When I was at Lyco way out of state where no one had heard of the last name “Cure,” it was very refreshing. I could be myself without having to be fake and pretend I liked hanging out with theatre students.

3. Texas: It’s Not For Everyone

Face it. If you don’t like sports (especially football), why are you in Texas? People here base their college choices on how good the football team is. For real?! OK, maybe Texans aren’t the only ones who do that, but it sure does feel like it when you’ve lived here all your life. Whenever people would ask me what college I was going to and I would say, “Lycoming College in Pennsylvania,” their eyebrows would furrow. “Why would you want to go there?” Like I was going to college in outer space or something. Of course, I really wanted to tell them, “I’m going to a small college where football is not the most important topic of the day.” Some of my Texas friends still don’t understand why I decided to choose a random private college out in the middle of nowheresville, Pennsylvania (“Hey now. Williamsport is the hometown of the Little League World Series, so it’s not exactly nowheresville”). But the thing is, my college choice wasn’t random. Back then, we actually had to look through books to make a decision. I spent several days at Barnes & Noble scanning through all of those heavy college books that were listed by major. I had Creative Writing. I knew I wanted to go somewhere far away from Texas (preferably in the Northeast) and going to a small college (which Texas doesn’t typically do) was a must. I also grew up in the Methodist church, and going to a college that was Methodist-affiliated didn’t hurt either.

Perhaps when I came home after college, it made me appreciate Texas more after being away from it for 4 years. After all, I soon learned the job market is better in Texas. But, as I always tell the college students I advise, travel while you can while you’re in college because you might not have the opportunity to later. That’s what I did and I don’t regret it. If I hadn’t gone to a college up north, I wouldn’t have gone to so many wonderful Broadway shows in NYC (just a bus ride away), and visited other states that were closer to Lyco (much better than driving 10 hours just to get out of the state of Texas).

It is true what they say. Everything is bigger in Texas. But it’s not for everyone. Being a true introvert, it’s hard being in large environments all the time. It’s exhausting.

4. My Admissions Counselor

I really do think my Lycoming admissions counselor, Michelle, was the one who got me started on the higher ed. career path I’m on now. Of course, I didn’t realize this until last semester when I did my internship/practicum in admissions.

Michelle was also one of the main reasons why I chose to attend Lyco. It is true when they say admissions counselors are the face of a college. Michelle was the first one to set up a campus visit for me and my mom and Lycoming was the very first college I visited. What a difference Lyco’s staff was compared to the other university I visited (Roger Williams University in Bristol, Rhode Island). In the pouring rain, Mom and I had to stop and ask for directions on how to find a bus to get to campus. When we got there, they didn’t have anything prepared for me. It’s almost like they didn’t even know I was coming. Total nightmare.

Michelle on the other hand was with me every step of the way. All four years I was there, she even offered to drive me to and from the airport when I went home for holidays. She couldn’t always do it, but what other college administrators would offer to go out of their way to personally drive a student to the airport? Not many. OK, OK. Perhaps I was a special case because I was one of two students from Texas.

During my first campus visit, Michelle was the first friendly face to meet me and my mom at the airport. She drove us around Williamsport, helped us get checked in to our hotel, and even let me sit in on a fiction class (I wasn’t terrified of Dr. Hawkes yet at that point). She made me feel at home. And I was definitely home as soon as I set foot on campus. The people, the beautiful campus, the faculty/staff (Michelle set up a meeting with a financial aid counselor who informed me that I would be receiving a Creative Writing scholarship all 4 years). Michelle and I still keep in touch to this day. I don’t know what I would’ve done without her support.

So I hope you hugged your admissions counselor at least once. They do great work and work hard doing it. (Well, most of them anyway. Working in higher ed, you always hear the occasional story).

5. A Non-Competitive School To Find Myself

While some parents would like their child to go to a competitive school (sound familiar, Felicity Porter?), my parents were very open to me attending any school I wanted. Even though it was financially tough for them since I went to a private school out of state (my parents are both teachers after all), I thank God for Lycoming’s financial aid package they offered. Though we still had to take out some loans, it wasn’t that bad. See? It does pay to have good grades in high school. Since I didn’t do well socially in a huge high school, my parents could see that I needed to be at a place where I could hear myself think. To find myself. And college is a great place to do just that. While the freshman year is always an adjustment (I found that alot of freshmen were still stuck in their high school days), Lyco was definitely the best fit for me. Thanks to freshman year when I was on the Creative Arts floor of Asbury Hall, I discovered several other introverts who, like me, weren’t interested in sports, being competitive, and all that nonsense. The faculty weren’t either.

For the most part, the faculty were great. One of my English literature professors, Dr. Rife, would put Texas Monthly magazines in my campus mailbox every month. Little things like that is what makes it so rewarding to attend a small college. My parents had the same experience at Texas Wesleyan. It’s where they met after all!

Sometimes I do wish that if I had the chance to time-travel, I would’ve chosen a school where there was more than one fiction professor (and while we’re at it, one who was not like Dr. Hawkes where the professor was actually nice and more open to other forms of writing besides short stories). However, the whole Lyco experience made me tougher, yet more empathetic, and open to a more diverse type of population that maybe I wouldn’t have had if I went to a Texas school. I was in a bubble for so long, that spreading my wings and giving me a chance to fly with new people was the best thing I could have done. Choosing Lyco was definitely one of the best decisions I ever made.

So, thanks “Felicity” (I should really say J.J. Abrams for creating and writing the show) for jump-starting my college career. And thanks Lycoming College for giving me a chance to shine!

Starting Over

“Quitting is not giving up; it’s choosing to focus your attention on something more important. Quitting is not losing confidence, it’s realizing that there are more valuable ways you can spend your time. Quitting is not making excuses, it’s learning to be more productive, efficient and effective instead. Quitting is letting go of things (or people) that are sucking the life out of you so you can do more things that will bring you strength.” ~Osayi Osar-Emokpae, Impossible Is Stupid

In February 2015, I made a brave (yet a risky) decision. I quit my job without having another position lined up. This was something I had never done before. Yet, I now realize I made the right decision; I’ve learned that it’s OK to be proud of risky decisions like this one–because you never know where they might take you next. So why did I quit my job? I was 31, living in a spacious 2-bedroom condo by myself, I finally had my own garage and backyard, and I had accomplished my main goal of starting a new career in a higher-level administrative role at a university (and in study abroad–what I thought was my dream job). Like I did when I moved to Pennsylvania to attend college, I wanted to live and breathe a new town with all new people. Being an introvert, this was good for me; I thought I was doing the right thing. But my first day on the new job, I had a horrible feeling in my stomach; I made a dreadful mistake. I stuck it out for 11 months. And that was 11 months too long. Most everyone (friends and co-workers) thought I was crazy when I turned in my 3-weeks notice to my supervisor. “You still have tuition to pay for grad school, and you don’t have another job lined up? How will you survive?”

What I wanted to say (but couldn’t) was: “Because it’s better than being miserable here.”

Even though I wanted to quit on several occasions, I kept thinking, “I am being tested and put in this position for a reason. I’m learning a lot (mostly what not to do), so it’s got to get better than this.” But what sparked my decision to quit for real was one day in January. I called my mom in tears (as I did most days when I came home from work) and said, “I can’t do this anymore.” That day, my supervisor (she became my supervisor just a month after I started; the supervisor who originally hired me abruptly left), who had already made several humiliating comments about me and study abroad in front of co-workers several days, took the cake. During a meeting with several well-respected administrators in the registrar’s office, my supervisor said the hurtful words of “I blame Cassie for all of this.” Since I internalize everything, I am a big proponent of “think before you speak.” My supervisor was the exact opposite. From day one, she said everything on her mind without any concern for how her words were negatively affecting others (and it wasn’t just me–there were several emotional breakdowns in the office). Without first taking me aside to discuss issues she had one-on-one, she blurted things about me in front of others. This was unprofessional and several times, I thought about turning in a grievance report to her supervisor.

Filing a grievance report is one thing I regret not doing because since I try to always see the good in people, I thought, “maybe the main reason why she is so hard on me is because, as the executive director of international programs, she has zero experience with study abroad. Therefore, since she doesn’t know anything about my position, she takes it out on me.” I really was a one-person office and was on my own to handle both the outgoing and incoming study abroad students, recruiting, scholarships, and putting together a new student organization for domestic and international students. Basically, whenever the words “study abroad” came up around campus, I had to handle it. When I asked for help from my supervisor or other employees, study abroad was a bother to them. Sadly, I learned too late that there was no institutional support for study abroad. Soon, I couldn’t keep up and was missing deadlines; and my supervisor was very cold with me. We barely spoke to each other unless we had to and towards the end, I stopped trying.

This is not how a job should be. No matter how much the pay is. For months I dragged myself out of bed every morning, and got butterflies in my stomach everytime I walked up to the building because I kept thinking, “what else can I get in trouble for now?” My self-esteem was shot and I constantly doubted myself. I was in a dark place for 11 months because of this job. No job should make you feel like that. As the cliche goes, “Do what you love;” I was not. I wasn’t sure I even wanted to go into higher education administration anymore. And yet, here I was working on my masters in that field.

My advice to anyone who has problematic issues with co-workers is to not be afraid to speak up; there were times when I wanted to say so much to my supervisor, but because we decided to avoid each other, I did not have the guts to talk to her. Secondly, you have a right to file a grievance. Because if you don’t (and I didn’t), that employee will not learn and make the same mistakes with others.

“What’s worked for me is… when I don’t believe in myself, turning to others who believe in me.” ~Marc Jacobs

So how did I make it for 11 months? There were two people who got me through such a challenging time in my life. One was God. After months of searching, I found a methodist church that did an evening contemporary service. I truly believe God was speaking to me through one of the ministers there; he was so uplifting that the first night I heard him, I got into my car after the service and wept–but with a smile on my face. Soon, I brought my mother with me and she did the same thing. All of the challenges he mentioned in his sermons were the exact same challenges I was facing. Soon, I bought a new bible and started delving into the scriptures like I should have done a long ago.

The second person was my mother–aka my best friend. Though I tried my best to make it exactly a year at the university before quitting, after the phone call I made that day in January, she said, “you’re unhappy and you’re coming home.” After all, my entire personality changed in that I was pessimistic about everything, I wasn’t eating because of the stress, and pretty much every weekend, I went home because I had no interest in making friends in the city I was living. And you know what? Life is too short to be in a job you hate. Though I love my family, many of them have a history of staying in the same job year after year without doing anything about it; and they complain along the way. I didn’t want to be like that. I want to embrace life; “just say no” to unhappy and depressed. I don’t need expensive vacations or fancy clothes to be happy. It’s the memories–the little things that I remember most. I wish more people believed that.

Without faith and family (the two most important things in my life), I don’t know how I would’ve gotten through such a challenging period. But I agree that every rough period we go through, it is god’s way of testing us. Today, I am doing temp work at a university, and I know one day I will find a permanent position that I am meant to be in. Most importantly, I will be a bit more selective in finding a place where I am happy. The best is yet to come, all.

 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” ~Jeremiah 29:11

For those of you who are considering quitting your job, ask the following questions first:

1. Am I happy? (more specifically, do I look forward to going to work?)

2. Do I feel I am doing something worthwhile to help others?

3. Am I appreciated and respected by others and do I appreciate and respect them?

4. Does this align with my career goals?

5. Do I maintain a healthy work-life balance?

If the answers to all of these questions are no (as they were for me), there is no doubt that it’s time for you to leave! If there are some no’s and yes’s, start looking! You never know when opportunity will come a knockin’!