Stay tuned for my next entry on my Top 20 Favorite TV couples, but I thought I would start with the most failed TV hookups (in my opinion, anyway). Because, well, they’re more fun.
1. Rumpelstilskin/Belle (Once Upon a Time): Their so-called “relationship” is wrong and incredibly uncomfortable to watch. I can’t pull the “ick factor” of “he’s way older than her” because Bates & Anna from Downton Abbey have quite a bit of an age difference, and everyone adores them. Rumpel and Belle simply lack chemistry (even when they changed the fairy tale on us where Rumpel was the beast). And let’s face it, kiddies. Rumpel will always be more attracted to power than any woman. Belle can do so much better. I love this show but the writers need to learn that you can’t “hook” (no pun intended) everyone up with each other. Yes, part of the story is about romance and True Love’s Kiss, but that’s not all fairy tales are about. They’re about discovery, imagination, and going on a journey to find out who you really are and what you are capable of.
2. Sawyer/Kate (LOST): I may get tons of hate mail, but I NEVER understood why these two were such a popular couple. They have sex a couple of times and that automatically makes them a meaningful couple? I know Kate & Sawyer both bonded over having such tragic, criminal pasts but umn…other characters did too (Sayid? Ben? Ana-Lucia?). There are “Skater” fans out there who still can’t believe they didn’t end up together. I mean, really? Were we watching the same show? Sawyer & Kate’s cage-sex scene completely ruined that relationship for me. It was cheap, dirty, and was the worst excuse for Kate to “choose” someone that the writers had been pimping before the third season started. Kate basically thought, “Oh. Sawyer’s gonna die. I might as well get one ride out of him to say goodbye.”
It was hard to like Kate after that because her character lacked depth and up until the fifth season, she was just chasing after two guys (Woah. Felicity flashback). Another pathetic Kate and Sawyer scene (and Evangeline Lilly agreed this was not Kate’s best moment) was in season 3 when she saw Jack eating dinner with Juliet and crawled into Sawyer’s tent to forget about it. Now I’m not saying that her decision to go into Jack’s bedroom and have sex with him to forget about giving up Aaron was a bright decision either (season 5 was just weird in general). But Kate had this mindset of, “just find the nearest man in order to forget about something that hurts.” I kept having to tell myself, “It’s just her character. Her impulsivities are what get the better of her.” Once she got away from the “Woah is me” Jane Austen-like character and instead focused more on finding Claire to bring her home to Aaron, then I could appreciate the few scenes she had left with Sawyer.
3. Sayid/Shannon (LOST): This is another couple I had a huge problem with. They are the classic example of “We’re alone on a deserted island with no hope of rescue. Might as well get together.” As Ana-Lucia once told Jack, “It’s what people do.” But to have these two “end up” together in the afterlife was just wrong. I would have rather seen Boone & Shannon end up in that church together (OK, maybe not). I just don’t get it. After ALL the emotional turmoil Sayid was put through after losing Nadia in 3 timelines (flashbacks, flashforwards, and in the afterlife), he decided Shannon was the one he was meant to be with?! I saw absolutely no depth to their relationship. I’m still not OK with the explanation that Sayid “chose” Shannon because he finally came to terms with the fact that he wasn’t good enough for Nadia. Please. I love you Sayid, and you totally could have made it work with our girl Nadia. He didn’t have to lower his standards for Shannon. Shannon could have been like Boone or Locke and just sat in one of the pews by herself. Nuttin’ wrong with ‘dat! It would have made MUCH more sense for her to end up alone, since Shannon used guys for a living, anyway. All the characters actually learned something about themselves. Besides learning to live without her brother’s assistance, she didn’t learn much else from living on that island.
4. Vaughn/Lauren (ALIAS): I get that they had to get Vaughn together with someone after the Season 2 cliffhanger when Sydney finds out she’s been missing for 3 years. But for God’s sake, at least find him someone he had some chemistry with. Yes, Vaughn & Lauren were both CIA agents, had jobs to do, and couldn’t be all lovey-dovey, but at least try to be believable as a married couple. Lauren actually had better chemistry with Sark the couple of times they fooled around. I just can’t believe it took Vaughn an ENTIRE season to find out she was evil. I mean, the guy isn’t THAT gullible. OK, so it was another way to push back the Sydney/Vaughn storyline for yet another season, but that was ridiculous. Even after Sydney & Jack knew from day one Lauren was a liar, he STILL couldn’t believe it for another 20 episodes.
5. Joey/Rachel (Friends): The writers were obviously running low on new storylines (who wouldn’t after 8 seasons?) and with Joey & Rachel’s characters, they thought, “They’re already really good friends; they live together. Why not?” When Joey and Rachel went out (for what, a day?) they brought out the dumb in each other. We all know Joey was dumb (yet we liked him that way), but really, Rachel? I thought she had more sense. But it’s pretty clear the writers were just killing time and throwing in another obstacle for Ross & Rachel– until the very last episode when they finally ended up together. I just love the fact that Joey claimed Rachel was the first woman he ever loved, but he sure got over her fast in the next episode when they both knew it would never go anywhere. Plus, that relationship was never even mentioned again. Seriously. Did ANYONE like Joey & Rachel?? Let’s just pretend their hookup never happened.
6. George/Izzie (Grey’s Anatomy): UGH. I don’t even have the energy to waste time talking about this couple. But someone has to. THE biggest mistake of this show (and there have been many). I get that sometimes writers write romantic storylines based on couples who have good chemistry in real-life (Patrick Dempsey & Ellen Pompeo are living proof). Everyone knew Katherine Heigl & T.R. Knight were BFF’s in real life; they were inseparable. But that doesn’t mean you need to put their characters together just because you’re running out of storylines for them. It was weird enough seeing T.R. play a straight guy so he didn’t have romantic chemistry with any woman on that show. But when you add his best friend Izzie when he’s already married to Callie…just no. After they dragged out how much Izzie was so in love with him after just one night of drunken passion, I get why Shonda Rhimes wrote it. She was trying to point out that romance doesn’t always work between best friends. But it was literally the dumbest and most pointless storyline ever. And it ended like this. “So we had sex again and we were sober. It was awful. Let’s break up.”/“Yeah. Sounds good.”
7. Sam/Diane (Cheers): Now hear me out on this one. I know this couple may be listed on some of those “Best TV Couple” polls and they were quite popular, but I had a hard time believing they were actually in love. Talk about polar opposites to the extreme. To me, it was just a physical relationship (as all the couples I dislike tend to be). Sam was obviously not on Diane’s intellectual level. Frasier was, but those two would have driven each other crazy. Though Sam & Rebecca never ended up together either, it was more amusing watching them than seeing Sam & Diane constantly argue; that got old fast.
8. Santana/Brittany & Sam/Brittany (Glee): As you can see, I’m not a Brittany fan. I love to watch her dance, but once she opens that mouth of hers, I cringe. It’s not that I have a problem with a lesbian couple, but why Santana? I don’t care for her either, but at least Santana has got some sense (at least I thought so). What was the point of her falling head-over-heals in love with Brittany, anyway? Hello. Brittany also dated Artie and Sam (but then those relationships were never mentioned again, which seemed to happen in this show). Sam may have loved Brittany at one point (after all, he wanted to go and look for her when there was supposedly a school shooting going on), but he bounced back. All of a sudden once he started dating Brittany, he got even dumber than he was before. Really?! Brittany made Joey Tribbiani look like the President and that’s saying a lot.
9. Meg & Chris (American Dreams): You may not remember this show, but it’s one of my favorites of all-time. The time period, the cast, and the music on American Bandstand is what was so great about it. But I blame this short-lived TV show on the last season, because A) they got away from the American Bandstand fun and B) Chris came in. After Meg stood up for herself in the second season by protesting against the war (she even got arrested for it), Meg ended up being the strongest female character in the show. But then this idiot Chris came in and with his bad boy quality, sweet talked Meg into running away with him to Berkley so he could get away from his draft notice. Meg sure did lower her standards once she went out with him (and apparently these two had a brief relationship off-screen as well). After all, Meg lost her virginity to him. Unfortunately, we’ll never know if Meg actually ended up with Chris or not since the show abruptly got cancelled. But I can see the reason why the ratings were low that last season.
10. Love triangles in general: They’re just there to create unnecessary drama because writers tend to stir up the triangles for higher ratings. Even though I admit that they’re amusing to watch at first, they end up being frustrating as hell. So many shows drag them out and spend way too much time on the love aspect instead of actual plot lines (although I may not complain about this as much when it comes to some shows). Here are some love triangles where the woman could have chosen who she wanted to be with in about 2 episodes. And I blame J.J. Abrams–but not really.
- Jack/Kate/Sawyer (LOST): And let’s not forget Juliet. That quadrangle got ridiculous after a while. But as a “Jater,” I finally got my happy ending (well, sort of). And for anyone who still can’t believe Kate chose Jack at the end (have you forgotten about the first stitching scene they always made references to), well, we need to have a talk.
- Adam/Marjorie/Brian (What About Brian): Marjorie never could make up her mind so she ended up with neither of them. That’s one of the very few times that the girl chose neither. Eh, it’s OK. She got annoying, so thankfully she left the show in the second season.
- Ben/Felicity/Noel (Felicity): They really did drag this one out until the very last episode. By that time, I didn’t really care who Felicity ended up with. OK, that’s not true. I’m a Noel girl all the way, but I can understand why she chose Ben. It was set up that way from the beginning.
- Jake/Marley/Ryder (Glee): Even though Jake can be an ass at times, I think it’s pretty clear Marley will choose him. So why do they keep bringing in Ryder everytime Jake & Marley have a fight? Maybe because they have nothing else to do with his character?
- Meredith/Derek/Addison/ Mark // Callie/George/Izzie (Grey’s Anatomy): This is pretty self-explanatory. I’m so glad those days are gone.
As an overly optimistic person, this post took an effort. But I had to get it off my chest sometime. Feel free to disagree and complain about any of these. Just give me some reasoning to back it up!